The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
