How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
