we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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