how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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