You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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