evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
