Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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