you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
