her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
