I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize