maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
