Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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