My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
