The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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