I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
