ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
