I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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