Yo dont text me then not text me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
