3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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