I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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