Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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