Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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