walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Pooping to opera.
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