I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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