I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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