i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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