I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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