she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
