I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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