i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
