I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
