Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
