is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
not ubering you a puppy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize