ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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