I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize