last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
