She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
