standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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