do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
