If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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