dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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