I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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