Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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