He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
