I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize