A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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