Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
