i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
