you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
