he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
