I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize