a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
