What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
