Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
