She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize