your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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