I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
