I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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