i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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