I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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