The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize