just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
