he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize