Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
