bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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