your parents love me but you hate me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
