i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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