i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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