NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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