I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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