He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
