Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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