I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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