I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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