Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
