Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
