I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
