All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize