I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
