I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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