HIV tests are more positive than that guy
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
