just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
