I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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