Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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