If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
