Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
