You just made me feel so damn special
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
