what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
