I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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