You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
