I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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