i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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