My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
did you just send me my own nude
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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