Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
