we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
