Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
