I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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