My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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