You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
