I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize