I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Houston, we have a squirter
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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