Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
