Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
