You just made me feel so damn special
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
