What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
