you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
