Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
