I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
