Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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